Between Sisters
by kalliopeia
Summary: Rachel visits her sister's grave after the events of 8.14 (A Man Walks Into a Bar). Contains mention of Kate/Abby femslash.


Rachel Cranston stood silently. The graveyard was empty- most found the day too beautiful to mar with the tragedies of the ones who had fallen. Rachel preferred these days. The hot Indiana sun reminded her of her sister's fiery temper, while the gentle wind reminded her of Kate's kindness.

"Hey, Katie," Rachel greeted quietly, breaking the silence. She liked to believe that somewhere out there, Kate could hear her words, could at least feel the peace coming off her big sister. "I miss you, but I think I'm better now."

Rachel closed her eyes, smelling the warm summer air. "I went to visit them, Kate. Your team. Your friends. They miss you, you know. I met the woman who killed the man who killed you. His sister, as it turns out. She's not much like you. She never wanted to replace you, and she hasn't. They love her, she's one of them now, but she didn't take your place."

Rachel remembered Ziva, remembered her insistence that she and the woman she knew only by reputation were different people. Even though Ziva never knew Kate, Ziva could feel the pain her death left behind, and respected that she must have been a great woman and a great agent.

"It was sort of surreal, talking to her about the situation. I lost a sister that day, and she lost a brother. Even though he was a monster, from my point of view… I don't think she and I were on opposite sides. She's still in pain because of what she had to do to her flesh and blood, but she did it… I think at least partially she did it for you. For your legacy."

Rachel paused, smiling slightly. "McGee wasn't like you described him. He was stronger, tougher. He held his ground. Bits of the awkward geek you described came out when I harassed him about his love life-" Rachel broke off, giggling. "Like you told me that you and DiNozzo used to. Then I saw the self-conscious kid you told me about. He's grown up, though. Still smart as a whip, but tough. He defends himself against DiNozzo. Dry sense of humor."

Rachel grinned, remembering the teasing affection Kate had shown toward her youngest teammate. "I think you'd be proud of him, Katie. I think you'd be happy to see how much he's grown into his skin."

Rachel draped a hand over the headstone, enjoying the warmth it had soaked up from the sun. The rough stone felt solid under her hand, almost comforting after all these years that she still had something of her sister to hold onto.

"Ducky was fun to talk to," Rachel said, almost absently. "Lots of stories, like you were always telling me. Y'know, his accent is exactly like you imitated it. I don't think I ever gave you props for your awesome voice acting. It's too bad you never got to sit down with Ducky and go over his whole life story, but maybe someday I will… "

Rachel paused, considering this and other stories her sister had told about the man she saw as a third grandfather. "Too bad I'll never get to meet his mother." Rachel laughed, grinning. "God, Kate, you must have told that story three dozen times, and every time I swear it got funnier." Rachel cleared her throat, trying to imitate Kate imitating Mrs. Mallard. "Show me your knickers! You can always tell a woman's intentions by her panties." Rachel burst out laughing again. "If I didn't know better, I'd've sworn you were making that up."

She tipped her head back, closing her eyes. "DiNozzo was just like you described him. I swear, I thought you were exaggerating… Well, he never did try to hit on me, so I'll give him props on that, but he did a pretty great horse impression I wish I had on camera. You should have seen it. You'd've loved it, then called him an immature idiot. I don't get you, Kate. Born with four brothers, then you go and pick up a couple more, just in case. How many siblings did you need, woman?"

Rachel sighed, not feeling at all silly for teasing empty air. When she did this, talked like her sister was still there with her, it made her feel better. Always had.

"He misses you too, you know. I think you might have been just as much his sister as mine. I mean, not really siblings- I'm pretty sure he was into you, a little bit- but that was the dynamic you had. He misses you a lot."

Rachel could almost still hear her sister's voice complaining about DiNozzo and his immature, philandering ways, but she had always known that deep down, Kate wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Gibbs was not easy to psychoanalyze. I made an effort, Kate, I did… He's another one I thought you were exaggerating about. Not a man of many words, huh? I kinda secretly hoped he'd smack me on the head, at least once, so I could get the full Gibbs experience, but I was there in the role of a professional, so he resisted the urge. Hit DiNozzo more than once, though." She paused. "Can you feel phantom headslaps in the afterlife?"

Contemplating this matter, Rachel continued. "I get the feeling that's a man who's lost a lot of people he cared about. Still, he thinks about you most every day, I'd bet. His team is still like you described it. Tony, McGee, Ziva, they're all practically his kids. Just because you aren't there now doesn't mean you lost the spot. He remembers you like a daughter."

Rachel bit her lip, not knowing what else to say. "Uh… that's all, I guess. Talk to you later!"

She started quickly stepping away from the plot, trying to make a quick getaway. Still, she could almost hear Kate's voice. _"Hold up!"_

Rachel froze, wincing slightly, unable to escape Kate's will even now. "Uh… Oh, yeah, Abby. Um. Yeah. I talked to her too. I… uh, I was wrong about her, Katie, and you know that's not easy for me to admit. She was really nervous around me, didn't want to talk even to Gibbs with me in the room. As soon as she left, she braced herself for whatever horrible insults I was about to throw her way. I didn't, though- I know better now. I'm sorry. For making her that uncomfortable, for not having tried harder to accept her. I know you loved her. I know she made you happy. That should have been enough."

Rachel sat down slowly, leaning her head against the warm headstone. "I'm worried about her, Kate. You would be too. She hasn't moved on, not really. She's constantly doing work or charity. When I asked her if she ever does anything for herself, she just said that she misses you. I don't think she feels like she can be happy without you, like she knows how. If she dates, it's not long-term. She barely has friends. F-far from the clubbing sex maniac I accused her of being."

Rachel cringed, remembering how harshly she'd once treated the poor woman who'd been nothing but friendly to her.

"She loved you, you know. I'm sorry I ever questioned that you two would be anything but happy together. I'm sorry… I'm sorry that I talked you out of proposing to her. She hasn't moved on, Kate, I dunno that she ever will. I'm glad you were happy while you were together, and I'm sorry I didn't see that then. I… I told her that there was nothing wrong with her. I said it in a therapeutic setting, I don't know if she knew how much I really meant it, but I do, Kate." Rachel paused, running her fingers through the cool grass. "I wish more than anything that I could go back and accept her, that I could have watched Dad walk you up the aisle. Because she would have said yes, Katie. I just want you to know that. I couldn't have saved your life… but I could have supported you in that, and I'm so sorry."

Rachel closed her eyes, picturing her baby sister with her arms around Abby, both smiling like nothing could possibly bring them down. "You were happy together, whether married or not. And I can never be able to think her enough for that. At least you died content, and in love. Not everyone gets that. So, I'm making reparations with Abby. I think she made steps toward forgiving me. Apparently I'm not as bad as she expected. So, progress, I guess. Now I just have to forgive myself… Gibbs had me stand in the spot where Haswari died. Thought it would give me closure. It helped, I guess, but the closure I need is to forgive myself for not accepting the woman you loved. I need to forgive myself for getting in the way of your happiness. And I'm not sure I can, Katie, but I'm trying. I'm trying, and I know that's all you'd ever ask of me." Rachel let out a single shaky breath before adding, "I love you, baby sister."

Slowly, she climbed to her feet and smiled down at the headstone before brushing the grass off her pants, turning, and walking away into the sunlight.


End file.
